Johnson on . . .

Actors and Lawyers (and Swift) -- "Boswell. 'You say, Dr. Johnson, that Garrick exhibits himself for a shilling. In this respect he is only on a footing with a lawyer who exhibits himself for his fee, and even will maintain any nonsense or absurdity, if the case requires it. Garrick refuses a play or a part which he does not like; a lawyer never refuses.' Johnson. 'Why, sir, what does this prove? Only that a lawyer is worse. Boswell is now like Jack in "The Tale of a Tub," who, when he is puzzled by an argument, hangs himself. He thinks I shall cut him down, but I will let him hang."

Death and mourning -- "When Hester Thrale had news that a cousin had died in America, Johnson thought her sorrow was merely put on for the sake of appearances: 'Prithee, my dear, have done with canting; how would the world be the worse for it, I may ask, if all of your relations were at once spitted like larks, and roasted for Presto's supper?' (Thrale explained, 'Presto was the dog that lay under the table while we talked.')

Egalitarianism -- "'It is better that some should be unhappy than that none should be happy, which would be the case in a general state of equality."

Happiness -- "'He this day enlarged upon Pope's melancoly remark, 'Man never is, but always to be blest.' He asserted that the present was never a happy state to any human being; but that, as part of every life, of which we are conscious, was at some point in time a period yet to come, in which felicity was expected, there was some happiness produced by hope. Being pressed upon this subject, and asked if he really was of opinion, that though, in general, happiness was very rare in human life, a man was not sometimes happy in the moment present, he answered, 'Never, but when he is drunk.'

[In short, man is never happy but when he is drunk.]

(Boswell later revisits this conversation.) "'Sir, you observed one day at General Oglethorpe's that a man is never happy for the present, but when he is drunk. Will you not add,-- or when driving rapidly in a postchaise?' Johnson. 'No, Sir, you are driving rapidly from something or to something.'"

"'The world in its best state is nothing more than a larger assembly of beings, combining to counterfeit happiness that they do not feel.'"

Insipidity -- "'Sir, you have but two topics, yourself and me. I am sick of both."

"Late in his life, two ladies visited him and 'repeated a speech of some length previously prepared for the occasion. It was an enthusiastic effusion, which when the speaker had finished, she panted for her idol's reply.' Johnson's answer was brief. 'Fiddle-de-dee, my dear.'"

Popular Intelligence -- "'Sir, it will be much exaggerated in popular talk: for, in the first place, the common people do not accurately adapt their thoughts to the objects; nor, secondly, do they accurately adapt their words to their thoughts: they do not mean to lie, but, taking no pains to be exact, they give you very false accounts. A great part of their language is proverbial. If anything rocks at all, they say it rocks like a cradle, and in this way they go on.'"

Reading and Writing -- "'When a man writes from his own mind, he writes very rapidly. The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write: a man will turn over half a library to make one book.'"

Sailors -- "'No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into jail; for being on a ship is being in a jail with the chance of being drowned.'"

Self-deprecation -- "'A man should be careful never to tell tales of himself to his own disadvantage. People may be amused, and laugh at the time, but they will be remembered, and brought out against him upon some subsequent occasion."

Skimming -- (He is talking about a travel book that he has been skimming.) "'[It is as good as any other travel book] that you will take up. I have not, indeed, cut the leaves yet; but I have read in them where the pages are open, and I do not suppose that what is in the pages which are closed is worse than what is in the open pages.'"

Subordination -- "'So far is it from being true that men are naturally equal, that no two people can be half an hour together, but one shall acquire an evident superiority over the other.'"

Swift's Gulliver's Travels -- "'When once you have thought of big and little men, it is very easy to do all the rest.'"