A Clever Little Trick, by Mikhail Zoshchenko

I don't know how it is in Moscow, but here in Leningrad they sell only powerful electric light bulbs. Something like one hundred and fifty, two hundred, or four hundred candle power.

And as for consumers who dream of obtaining a light bulb of ten or maybe fifteen candle power, theirs prove to be truly senseless dreams. Such light bulbs are not for sale.

Well, I thought, they send these small bulbs to the provinces for use in the villages. And that calmed me down.

Now my old bulbs had burned out. I got three new ones of four hundred candle power each and basked in this bright light. Of course, it's annoying. It's very bright. The main thing is, I'm not a draftsman. It's so ridiculously bright in the hall and the bathroom that you just start to feel bad. But I stood it.

But this month the meter reader came. Started to check how much electricity I had burned up.

"Oho!" he says. "Your bill gets higher every month. What are you doing, frying potatoes in the electricity?"

I say, "No, I've got powerful bulbs. And I just don't know what to do. It's a hopeless situation."

Well, I got to talking with the meter reader. A lot of chit-chat. He had a glass of tea with me. Ate a roll. And then he says, "You know why there aren't any small bulbs? Shall I tell you?"

I say, "Tell me, but it'll hardly make me feel any better."

He says, "There's a big trick being played with the small bulbs. The whole thing has to do with the financial-industrial plan."

"I'm afraid I don't quite get you," I said.

He says, "The factory had to fulfill its plan. Well, so they went and fulfilled it."

"No," I say, "Ever since so much light has been beating down on me in this apartment, my bean doesn't work so well. I don't understand you."

"What is there," he says, "to understand? Well let's suppose that according to the plan they had to fulfill a production quota of a million candle power. Well, now just imagine-- are they going to start producing this million in small bulbs? They wouldn't make it in two years, the devils. So they decided to get there with big bulbs. Whether you make small bulbs or big ones, the work is the same. But you don't need nearly so many. And so, those devils have settled on big bulbs. They're turning them out like pancakes."

I said, "But that's a filthy trick! And also it's no joy to us that the government is wasting a lot of valuable electric power. Take me-- I have four hundred candle power in the toilet. I really feel guilty about going in there."

He said, "Be grateful that they didn't settle on the biggest bulbs of all. Next year they'll probably start turning out bulbs with a thousand candle power."

At this point I suddenly got mad.

"Instead of shooting off your mouth to me," I said, "you should tell me where I can get some small bulbs."

He said, "Even though I work for the electric service, I haven't laid eyes on any small bulbs for two years now."

With these words he said good-bye and departed. And I turned off the lights in the room, lay down on the bed, and in the darkness started thinking about what tricks people resort to in order to balance their office accounts.